Baby steps...

I have just completed my second week of work. Primary care is fun, hard and a steep learning curve all at the same time! I am loving my coworkers and enjoying the patients... I'm just continuously realizing all that I have to learn and what I don't know. :) Oh, and I'm learning what it means to go home worrying about a patient and hoping they are feeling better the next day, not ending up in the ER because of something that wasn't apparent yet when I saw them (or something I could have missed!). Oh, the joy of taking on a role with more responsibility... and I'm so thankful for the ability of myself or a triage nurse to call and check in on kids the next day.

One of the things that is now really clear how the emotional up and down of not getting jobs over the last year really was part of God's plan... I'm in a great place, I am enjoying what I'm doing, I am love the people I am working and learning from and I have so much room for growth. Working 3 days a week (which are long days) fits in well with Chet and my lifestyle. And, though the drive is long, so far it is tolerable with books on tape and my bluetooth headset... and I have plenty of time to decompress from the day.

So, overall, things are looking up right now. Still challenging but I'm just going to trust that it will get better and it is normal to go through this, at times, painful growing and learning process.

Oh... and now I have a 3 day weekend with my hubby... certainly can't complain about that!

Changes

So this week has been a huge change for me... I started my primary care nurse practitioner job! It is such a blessing but also such a challenge. I just kind of started off taking patients and asking questions when I needed to other providers. I knew that jumping right in would be hard but I guess I had forgotten the anxiety that starting something new like this can bring.

Today I woke up, a day off after working my first two days, realizing all the decisions I made and things I discussed with families over the last two days. And then my mind went into hyperdrive... did I do this right? did I forget something? what if I missed something? should I see them back sooner? did I forget to chart something? Basically the anxiety started swirling and I was so fixated on looking up things to reassure myself that I didn't do anything major wrong that I could barely answer Chet's questions.

I think that I am once again learning that change is hard for me, especially I'm not sure what I am doing is absolutely right (or reasonably right). I don't want to make poor decisions, I want to be a smart successful practitioner... and that's okay. But I need to be patient throughout this transition... with myself, my mistakes and my rocky growth. And I need to trust that this opportunity is part of God's plan and He is with me through this change... if I just give my anxiety to Him. I can still be thorough but I can't let the anxiety tear me away from relationship with my husband and doing things I enjoy.

Maybe I'm putting this here just to remind myself later when I fall back into anxiety. Maybe I just needed to put things down so I could move on with my day. Either way, any prayers during this time of changes would be appreciated.