Changes

So this week has been a huge change for me... I started my primary care nurse practitioner job! It is such a blessing but also such a challenge. I just kind of started off taking patients and asking questions when I needed to other providers. I knew that jumping right in would be hard but I guess I had forgotten the anxiety that starting something new like this can bring.

Today I woke up, a day off after working my first two days, realizing all the decisions I made and things I discussed with families over the last two days. And then my mind went into hyperdrive... did I do this right? did I forget something? what if I missed something? should I see them back sooner? did I forget to chart something? Basically the anxiety started swirling and I was so fixated on looking up things to reassure myself that I didn't do anything major wrong that I could barely answer Chet's questions.

I think that I am once again learning that change is hard for me, especially I'm not sure what I am doing is absolutely right (or reasonably right). I don't want to make poor decisions, I want to be a smart successful practitioner... and that's okay. But I need to be patient throughout this transition... with myself, my mistakes and my rocky growth. And I need to trust that this opportunity is part of God's plan and He is with me through this change... if I just give my anxiety to Him. I can still be thorough but I can't let the anxiety tear me away from relationship with my husband and doing things I enjoy.

Maybe I'm putting this here just to remind myself later when I fall back into anxiety. Maybe I just needed to put things down so I could move on with my day. Either way, any prayers during this time of changes would be appreciated.